Actions have consequences

No. 003

OMG, it is SO annoying when this happens. Like why? What is wrong with people? My (not-for-fun-reasons) soggy underwear demand justice! Here's my thinking: someone builds an app that allows you to send a photo of the splasher's licence plate to some sort of database (stick with me) and then the splasher gets a notice that they must send you $X for dry-cleaning, $X for damages (like if they mess up good kicks — which, PS, you really shouldn't be wearing in the rain, not victim blaming but come on, respect the sneakers) and $X for your irritation and suffering. They cannot opt out of these notices and get hounded until they pay you.

No. 001

You get to walk into them at full stride. If they get mad, you reply with: "Oh, so sorry. I assumed, since you didn't see me back there and let the door slam in my face, that I am a ghost and hence I thought I'd be able to just walk right through you. My bad."