What I’m Doing.
About last night….
Have you ever sat at a table with greatness? I can now say that I have. I’d be remiss to not admit I have no idea why The Universe smiled upon me, tapped the chair next to Bianca Marais (who was sitting next to Naomi Alderman!!) and said, “This spot is for you” but that was what happened and it was glorious! (Naomi’s publicist, Lisa, from Harper Collins Canada was also at that same table and she’s a damn delight!)
As the lights dimmed (okay, another confession, the lights didn’t dim, we were at a golf club, but I’m creating atmosphere) and the crowd fell silent, we all braced for the final conversation of the 2023 Book Drunkard Festival. An annual event brought to us by the very fine people at Blue Heron Books.
From the very first word, Bianca and Naomi sparkled.
They talked books and writing. (Dear Writers: Naomi threw out 200,000 words when she first started drafting The Future. Poof, gone. Because in her estimation, “There will be more words tomorrow.” ) And then they went on to speculate on how we should best go about saving the world, “Hopelessness is not an option” and ourselves, “The way to be less anxious it to know we are resilient enough to deal with what comes.”
I felt as if I went into a trance watching these two brilliant creatures. And then it was over and today I still feel high and hopeful.
Writers are magic.
I Wrote a Thing.
About a month ago, I got an AMAZING email. A note from the one and only Bianca Marais asking if I would contribute to The Shit No One Tells You About Writing newsletter. I said “YES!” so fast I nearly choked. She asked for something honest but hopeful. What I came up with is below.
If you’re not already listening to “The Shit” podcast. Please, get it together, clear your calendar, and get caught up.
Now,
The Essay.
I’ve been at this writing thing for over a decade.
The brilliant ideas. The muse screaming and distracting me from the rest of my life. The too-soon querying. The rejection. The book deals—of my friends. Whom I’m genuinely delighted for. (Jealousy, for some reason, is just not something I tend to feel.) But I do think it would be within reason for my “Hurrahs!” to start sounding a little thin.
This is a humbling hobby to say the very least, and one I’ve tried to shake on multiple occasions.
“I’m quitting.”
I’ve stated it calmly to my family and my writing group on so many occasions that it’s frankly embarrassing. And every time I commit to quitting, it goes about as well as when I claim I’m quitting Diet Coke. That is to say, I still bleed aspartame, and I still spend every free second I can find writing books.
As I type these words, the other two open documents on my computer are my latest manuscript and a first draft of my new query. Two innocent looking tabs that fill me with so much insecurity and dread that I’m 99% sure I have an ulcer. And yes, I’m also 98% sure that it’s from the stress and not the soda. And 89% sure that this is my best submission package yet.
Why? Well, for a few reasons. But before I dump a bunch of tough-love optimism all over you, scooch aside so I can sit next to you in the gutter of unpublished despair and tell you a little story.
About a year ago I reached out to an author I profoundly admire. I had been getting full requests but couldn’t get to a yes, and I just kinda thought, Screw it, and hit up her DMs in search of some advice (and also maybe to fan-girl a bit). Toe digging into the floor, I twisted it about whilst sheepishly asking if she would read a few of my pages. And, much to my surprise, she said yes.
For two weeks I waited with bated breath for her to write me back. I knew just what she was going to say. You are INCREDIBLE. Here is my agent’s cell number. I’ve called my editor and she wants to have lunch with you an hour from now. Kind regards, Brilliant Author.
However, what she actually wrote back was, Are you sitting down? Maybe go grab a glass of wine. This will not be easy to hear…
I read the rest of her email once. And then twice. I took a deep breath, stood from my office chair, and tore my book-outline Post-it notes from the wall. Two years of work guided by all the craft books and beta readers and podcasts. A storm of fuchsia, teal, and canary yellow rained down around my feet. If a hard copy of my manuscript had been handy, I might have set it ablaze.
Gulping deep breaths, mixing with my frustrated tears, I stared at the ceiling for long enough that my family came looking for me to enquire about the whereabouts of dinner.
But I couldn’t go downstairs and roast a chicken. My head was too full. It was decided. I was done. I couldn’t do it anymore.
“Baby, can you ask daddy to just make you a grilled cheese?”
Trying to get traditionally published is too painful. Too hard. Too stupid. Too pointless. Even if I got a book deal (ha!), I’d get what, $10K? Maybe 15K? For ten years of work? That’s like $100 a month. We clearly aren’t in this for the money. So why are we in this? Masochism? Idiocy? Addiction? Love?
My thoughts swam in a soup of insecurity and anger at myself for wasting so much of my time on an impossible pursuit. I ate leftover Easter candy for dinner that night, and I didn’t write the author back right away. I was embarrassed that she thought so lowly of my work. Of me.
A few days later, I read the devastating email again. You are brilliantly funny. You are talented. I didn’t see those words in my first read-through.
This process can be excruciatingly hard, so I’ve written this piece in hopes that I can make even one struggling writer feel slightly less alone.
So. Here comes the tough-love pep talk. You ready? Okay, let’s do this.
It is my belief that there are six horsemen of the apocalyptically shitty pursuit of becoming a traditionally published author.
Timing and luck
I dunno. You can’t write to the market to try and trick your way into timing, so just write what’s in your heart and really try and cling to the knowledge that eventually the timing will be right. And luck? Big shrug. I mean, I suppose you could go and frisk a field of clover in search of the four-leaf variety, and being a good human could put Karma on your side, but realistically—these two elements are kinda out of your hands. Regardless, know that I’m pulling for you and I believe with all my might that your stars will align.
Talent
You’re here, aren’t you? Reading this? I doubt very much that you would be engaging with writing-podcast newsletters if you didn’t have some belief that you’re good at this. And if you have gaps in your craft, welcome to the club. And good news, the Internet is flush with workshops. CeCe Lyra’s webinar on writing interiority elevated my work so significantly I don’t understand how I ever produced pages without her shared knowledge.
Connecting
This has been huge for me. Connecting with other writers will save you on this journey. Good writing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. (If you feel the need to pull out examples of times that it has, have at it. But I am pretty damn sure that the dude or dudette you’re thinking of most likely shared pages with some lover or another while nervously pacing the end of the bed and chain smoking.) If you don’t have a writing group, get one! Now. Seriously, I’ll wait. Bianca Marais offers beta-reader matchups, and through her I’ve met the folks whom I now consider some of my best friends. When I was slogging this road alone, I’d assumed other writers were a bunch of Hemingways; drunk and blustery and with zero interest in connecting with me. I was wrong. We are communicators, we want to interact, inspire, and support. So take a chance and reach out. Worst case, someone ghosts you. It’s a bit rude and a bit disappointing, but you’ve survived worse. Best case, they may offer to read pages. Which brings us to horseman number five.
Openness to Learning
aka No Ego Amigo. aka Don’t be an Askhole. I was once in a writing group where one of the members clearly skipped the schoolday when the teacher taught everyone the critique sandwich method. You know—a positive, a negative, a positive—so as to not trample on someone’s dreams. It didn’t take me nor the other members long to opt to just ignore everything she said—which is a shame, because she was quite clever and probably had some good feedback. But her delivery was barfarama. Dream-Smasher McGruffin, you can ignore. But if you land the eyes and brains of someone you admire, show them the respect they deserve and listen and learn. Yes, of course writing is subjective, and if something just doesn’t resonate with you—ignore, delete, next note. But to ignore all advice because your slightly tattered ego can’t handle it? Do so at your own peril. It felt pretty shitty when I was throwing away fistfuls of crumpled Post-it notes, but it also became abundantly clear that I could commit to becoming a better writer or I could stay on the outside of publishing forever.
I chose the former, and I hope you do too.
Finally—
Don’t Give Up!
Cry. Yell. Bitch. Regroup. Rewrite. Get feedback. Think. Kill your darlings. Bring some back. Learn. Listen. Repeat.
You’ve got this. I’ve got this. And when we don’t, this community’s got us. I am rooting for you with every fibre of my being.
What I’m Listening To.
This post could very easily be multiple essays, but literally, no one wants that.
I could wax poetic about the host of the Lit Match podcast, Abigail K. Perry.
I could go on a tangent about how powerfully important Ariele Fredman's work has been to the success of so many rockstar books.
Or, I could admit that I'm nervously shaking in my flip flops because after hearing this conversation a masochistic voice in my head started whispering, "Query Ariele. She's puuuuuurfect." (The voice may or may not be a cat. It's general disdain for me and how it causes me to start breathing in jerky gasps leads me to believe this is probable.)
Folks, I'm headed into the query trenches and I'm petrified.
Rejection is a part of writing. Lovely to know, less lovely to experience.
But what choice do we have other than to try?
In an upcoming essay, I explore this further. Can't wait to share it with you all soon.
What I’m Doing.
Well, traveling to NYC to finally face-to-face meet, and then jolly well celebrate the ever-loving heck out of, the fabulous, Megan Tady!
Meg and I have been on this whole debut journey together for a number of years now and to say it’s been a rollercoaster would be an understatement. Maybe a rollercoaster, while eating a funnel cake, but then the funnel cake was poison. That’s to say, the highs have been high but the lows…woof.
Megan has told her road-to-publishing story beautifully on a number of podcasts now (She’s a star, baby!) but of course I recommend checking her out on The Shit No One Tells You About Writing.
And buy her book Super Bloom! My Goodreads review can be found here.
What I’m Listening To.
Recently, the incredible Karma Brown suggested I give my brain a break from non-stop writing content. Everything I was engaging with was about how to write, how to write better, and how to get that better writing published. And since the publishing world is (and this is someone else’s quote but I can’t recall who, so I can’t give them credit) moving like a catatonic sloth, obsessively clambering was doing nothing for me beyond giving me road burn on my palms and knees. BUT, I need to listen to podcasts while I walk my dog otherwise humans try to speak to me, and well, no thank you to that!
These three dudes always make me giggle. At some point during their banter, my mind always wanders to the game Fuck, Marry, Kill, but truth be told I just want to friend all of them.
And recently they had on the incredible TV and movie writing duo, Phil Lord & Christopher Miller, and let me tell you, it was just delightful!
I guess I didn’t wholly escape ‘writer content’ but this is a different type of writing, a type my brain for some reason has just never turned to. Anyways, enjoy the laughs and the lessons.
What I’m Reading
I loved this book, and to be honest, I had my doubts when I JUDGED IT BY THE COVER. (Please someone take away my Reader card, I am not worthy.) Anyhoot, this is a book about feminism, people, found family, and love.
As a reader, it’s a total romp and highly enjoyable.
As a writer, I have so many folded corners that are pointing to all the flawless bits and pieces that show mastery of how to incorporate backstory, choosing the right point of view, and making a point without poking your reader with a pointy stick.
What I’m Reading
Bonnie McFarlane is Completely Fine. There, I’ve given her memoir a new name. She is truly demented and we are so lucky. If you like really correct books, stay the hell away from this one, and this woman. If you are interested in seeing what happens when someone grows up in rural Canada and decides it’s a good idea to try and become a stand-up comic, grab this immediately. You’ll laugh. You’ll cringe. You’ll buy a copy for your most awful friend.
What I’m Listening To
Are you a writer? Are you not listening to The Shit No One Tells You About Writing yet? That is a mistake. Author Bianca Marias (or Saint Bianca as those in the know call her), Carly Watters (SVP and Senior Literary Agent at P.S. Literary), and CeCe Lyra (Literary Agent at P.S. Literary) run this podcast and O.M.G. it’s soooo good! Every week they review queries and first pages (and you can submit yours if you’re feeling brave!) and interview big-time authors, agents, booksellers, and editors. It’s a must-listen if you’re trying to find your way in the world of publishing.
Be in the Know
HUCK BEARD
One of the coolest things about being a fledgling author is your access to other wee birds who are all trying to learn how to fly. If you put yourself out there, you’ll get to read a ton of Works in Progress, some of which knock your socks off.
And when I read Huck Beard’s The Lairs, I kid you not, by sentence one my socks weren’t just off my feet, but blasting down the street, and then clear across the lake.
As enchanting as he is talented, I am literally giddy for the world to get to know him. (And painfully braggy that I got to know him first.)